Horrton Hears a Heart

from FAL Brand Funny Pages (1996)

True, I've been shaken - and true, I've been bad.
But how can you say that this elephant's mad?
This Loopidy sickness has sharpened my brain!
My ears are quite large, and I hear things quite plain.
So before you pass judgment, please let me explain...
Horrton image 1
Horrton image 2 That creature named Sam was peddling his ham
And those green-colored eggs... I told him to scram!
He pleaded with me just to sample that junk.
Each time I'd refuse him and turn up my trunk!
His manner was pleasant; his tone, quite humane,
But something about him did things to my brain.
It wasn't his eggs that made my temper fly,
Not the plate, not the spam - I think it was his Eye!
Horrton image 3
Horrton image 4 His sinister orb was most eerily green,
Like his grass-colored eggs; O how vile, how obscene!
That stare seemed to make my flesh crawl and blood chill
And I knew right away - it is Sam I must kill!  
 One day I told Sam that I'd sample his pork.
He gleefully held out a bit on a fork
and I ripped the utensil from him with my trunk!
I poked out the Eye of that ham-sucking punk!
I jumped toward him with my whole two tons intent
on quashing Sam's life - one hundred per cent!
Horrton image 5
I buried him under the theedlewog bush
And jumped in a pool to rinse blood off my tush.
How smart I was, Sam! How sane was my plan!
So sure I'd be implicated by no man! -
It was then I stopped splashing. I heard a queer sound...
A faint tumpata-tump - but there's no one around!
Horrton image 6  Then I heard it again. But - who was it? Where?
... From the theedlewog bush? No! It can't be from there!
Well, it's not from the theedle that I hear this thumping
It must be Sam's compacted heart - it's still pumping!
My ears are quite large, and I do hear this sound
and I feel his cold stare through all six feet of ground.
 The thump grew and grew like a clockwork in Hell
'til a glum kangaroo could have heard it as well...
and all of the beasts of the jungle, I'm sure,
could hear the percussion I scarce could endure!

 Still louder, and louder! "You villain!," I cried,
as I leapt from my pond and I tossed the bush high!
I frantically dug where the 'wog used to bud -
And Sam sprang right at me, all covered in blood.
 He smiled as he spoke, with the fork in his eye,
"Hey, if you do not like them, just say so, big guy.
Are you sure you will not give my green eggs a try?"

Some books by Edgar Allan Seuss

The Black Cat in the Hat
One Death, Two Death, Red Death, Blue Death
Horrton Hears a Heart
The Fox in the Sox of M. Valdemar
A Descent Into McElliot's Pool
Masque of the Green Ham
The 500 Hats of Amontillado
The Grinch and the Pendulum
The Fall of the House of Lorax
Hop-Frog on Pop!
And To Think That I Saw It In the Rue Morgue
Horrton Hatches the Raven

Horrton image 7

If you liked this comic, we think you'll enjoy Zomby and Carney...
Or the diverse styles of Giant Angry Robot, File Under Fire and Gamma Man.

all too soon