FALspeak Dyslexicon

February MMII

A quick note, here: we urge you to work the following terms into your web pages and everyday speech. Communicate the FAL way.
But we must strictly inform you that most of these words have been in our publications for years, so banish all unworthy thoughts of wrongly taking credit.
Conversely, we're not out to steal anyone else's thunder. If you know of an earlier source for one of these entries, kindly let us know.
We thank you.

"[And] Then A Plane Crashed"
Sarcastic comment implying that a previous sequence of events is contrived or poorly developed.
Inspired by a short-lived drama on the Fox Network - specifically, an episode in which the protagonist was spared from wrongful execution in the electric chair by a plane "luckily" crashing into nearby power lines.
A person who forgoes social respectability and financial success in order to further advance his/her creative expression.
"Doodle me a college fund, you paternal artdork, you."
Audible Sound
A sonic technique by which certain frequencies are detectable by the unaided human ear.
Acronym for "Buddy" Lee International Media Publications, FAL's foster parent company.
Any son less talented, intelligent, likable or successful than his father. Often used hypothetically, where no son actually exists but the anticipated result is of far less quality than the "father" would produce. "It's painful to watch - like Brian Gilliam on horse tranquilizers."
A measurement of data storage equal to a gazillion gigabytes.
The tireless study of cartoon production and techniques, cartoonists, and the cultural impact of cartoon art. See the introductory course for prospective cartoonists written by Erik Lobo.
Depicting a human or animal in ways that increase the subject's resemblance to a cartoon character. (Example: Jim Carrey.) (cp. comechomorphizing, toward traits found in traditional comech books or strips).
A stupor-computer that observes trends, then calculates the undermining of art and culture for the purpose of maximizing The 'LOOP's' profits.
Printed or digital comics, usually colored by mechanical means, originally developed by FAL Studios. In general use, a contemporary equivalent of comic.
Comics that self-destruct.
A section of FAL Brand Funny Pages.
FAL's trade-secret formula for assembling and colorizing cover elements for print.
An electronically tabulated survey of general approval levels - usually of otherwise unrelated things, ideas and cultural icons.
CTG Marketing
Cradle-To-Grave Marketing. Phrase coined by "Buddy" Lee and adopted by many corporations, especially DSC's.
Example: client begins life wearing Muppet Babies diapers... in his old age draws his last breath in Muppet Babies diapers... and in between, every need is tied to products with Muppets on them.
To be cornered by a person not well known - usually someone leading a dull, uninteresting existence - and be subjected to a gory, disgusting or otherwise inappropriate story.
"He daved me in the elevator. He just started talking about a butcher who threw up in the ground beef.
Double-Secret Corporation. A company controlled by the 'LOOP' that owns two or more firms with diametrically opposed purposes. Most of their motivations, services and alliances are unknown to the general public.
Example: A company which controls a national dental association as well as a manufacturer of sugary sweets.
"The Death of Cool"
The confirmed and utter devaluation of all "coolness" personified by the public image of James Dean.
Seminal proofs include any recent citation of "what's cool" according to the publishers of Time Magazine, and fatal misuses of the original posture of rebelliousness by American public service advertising intended to influence the behavior of minors ("Be Cool - Follow The Rules!").
The elimination of functionality and meaning in consumer goods, as calculated by the 'LOOP' CoDeprocessor.
Filmmaker At Large (as used before the death of modern cinema). In current use to identify an international collective of undisciplined media renegades.
Also: FAL.net, FAL Studios, FAL Comechs, FAL Productions, FAL Labs, FAL Brand Funny Pages, FAL Kitchens, etc.)
Cumbersome, klunky and salvage-cluttered. Often used to descibe the postapocalyptic future of FAL's Nuke Nova.
To bring shame to a classic work, story or film by making it resemble the work of Home Alone mastermind John Hughes. (cp. 101 Dalmations, Flubber, Miracle on 34th Street, Dennis the Menace, etc.)
A process used to adjust a movie's script, actors and production values in order to decrease capital outlay.
"It's Sad, Really"
An ironic FAL motto that was coined in response to the quixotic battle against human ignorance, greed and apathy.
"[It's] The Beef Of The Future"
A slogan of 'Buddy' Lee's, originally used during his attempts to market ostrich meat. Figuratively, a holow endorsement of a fad that hasn't caught on (and probably never will).
Art or writing that looks Japanese without actually being Japanese. A term of endearment, not of prejudice.
An example can be seen on the back cover of FAL Brand Funny Pages, Installment 1.
Jive Turkey Day
The Kwaanza of Thanksgiving.
Lactose Intolerant Robo-Karate Stock Film Footage Force. A group of teenage superheroes assembled from old TV shows in order to make 'Buddy' Lee a very rich media mogul.
The 'LOOP'
A secret world government that perpetuates chaos, crime and ugliness of spirit, in order to bolster the profits of their Double Secret Corporations. The symbol of this evil brotherhood is the double helix.
Misfortune Cookies
A fortune cookie with a rude, irreverant or mildly annoying message inside.
First FAL usage: FAL Brand Funny Pages, Installment #1 (1995). Online debut: late spring 1996. Between two and three million Misfortune Cookies have been served.
"More Humor Than Humor"
An alternative motto for FAL Studios that echoes "More Human than Human," the motto of the Tyrell Android Corporation in the superlative film Blade Runner (1982).
A multimedia presentation that is consistently inconsistent.
Example: an unintentionally random patchwork of high and low tech.
The science of proper humor, as created by dedicated artisans. A holistic methodology of treatment for conformist thought patterns. Pioneered by FAL Labs.
An artistic work which can be converted into all forms of mass media.
A person, usually male, with tendencies and characteristics often associated with criminality (e.g. drug addiction, motorcycle clubs and/or prison) - as well as some interests associated with geeks (e.g. software proficiency, a fondness for animation, uncommon recreational pursuits and/or pets).
"The outlawnerd/artdork dichotomy is a weak postmodern echo of the classic delineation between 'rockers' and 'mods'..."
FAL.net's own random selector of online features which have previously met with the approval of most consumers.
The Plague
An omnimedia infection of living ideas, created by FAL Labs to defeat The 'LOOP'.
Pulp Diction
A gritty, devil-may-care writing style designed to titillate the reader. By design, contains little or no literary merit and often emulates 1950's pulps.
Name of a section in FAL Brand Funny Pages.
The process of refining, revising, redefining and reengineering Neurohygenic thought.
The more talented, intelligent, likable or successful brother. Most often used figuratively.
"Imagine how well Ridley Schumaker would've done with that premise."
A placid, self-satisfied state of mind after the comsumption of professionally produced satire.
Screaming Planet
FAL's Logo. A world with a pained cartoon grimace.
Inspired by the fate of Alderaan in Star Wars Episode IV.
A quantum shift between our current reality and an alternate one, resulting in unexpected events.
Slips can sometimes be sensed by artdorks, outlawnerds and pets.
Soapy Pet
A bar of soap that seemingly grows curly hair while being used for showering or bathing.
Advertised in FAL Brand Funny Pages, Installment #1.
Textual harassment
Excessive editing of ordered words, particularly to make them safer or less unusual.
A recent appearance of this term, with a different contextual meaning, revealed that it has been in use prior to its citation in FAL works.
A less talented, intelligent, likable or successful brother. Most often used figuratively - and not necessarily at the expense of the person being referred to, if the relative (or "Ridley") is quite exceptional.
"Who directed this piece of crap? Tony Lucas?"
"We're Making Quality Obsolete"
The primary motto of FAL Brand Funny Pages.
It has since become the motto of Christian Brothers Piano Moving of Grand Rapids, Michigan, replacing "Creating The Illusion We Care Since 1979".
A rhetorical response to a dubious or ridiculous statement.
In FAL publications, the name of an illustrated feature which recounts highly unlikely historical facts.
Wrong   also Rong
Slang term used to describe something that does not conform.
Since the term Cool has been killed - used up by the American media-industrial complex - wrong is the only remaining term that will always be truly countercultural.
"That nose-ring is totally wrong!"

Coming later: a roster of the characters in the FAL Universe...

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              March 1, MMII